Haitian Miracle Diet

Genocide à la bonne femme
Common Sense
John Maxwell
Sunday, February 03, 2008 Jamaica Observer

We have some great news for dieters this week!
The Haitians, with a little help from the Americans, the French and the Canadians, have produced a solution to the obesity crisis that now threatens western civilisation.

Haiti's great and good friends in Washington, Paris and Ottawa have, at last, after several years of hard, grinding effort, managed to create the condition known as 'critical mess' [sic] allowing the Haitians to produce a diet which - unlike any other slimming solution - is absolutely guaranteed to work. Other slimming solutions have always had one weak spot: no matter how low-calorie the diet is, dieters can always defeat the purpose by overeating.

The new Haitian diet makes that impossible!
No matter how much you eat you will not get fat!!
This is sensational news!!!

Here for the information of our avid readers is the recipe, direct from the street vendors of Port au Prince.

One caveat: the special ingredient may have to be imported from Haiti. We haven't yet found a gourmet specialty shop in North America which stocks the main ingredient - Glaise de Plateau Central - a special kind of clay from the Central Plateau of Haiti. This clay is yellowish in colour and the best grades contain lots of healthy calcium, guaranteed to make your bones stronger even as your too, too solid flesh melts away.

METHOD

. Take enough Glaise de Plateau Central and dry it in the sun.
. Pound (in a mortar) and sieve the dried glaise, to remove any small stones, twigs, insect parts, bird droppings or other visible impurities.
. Add a little water, enough to make a soft dough
. Add a little fat and a soupçon of salt (gros sel, pounded fine)
. Mix all together forming small - say two-inch - cookies.
. Expose to the sun on a zinc sheet (beaten as flat as possible).
. When dry your mud pies are ready to eat.
Bon appétit!!!
It may sound better in French but it is genocide in any language.

'AND SO SAY ALL OF US!'

The Haitians are giving new meaning to the phrase 'dirt poor'.
Four years after the Americans, Canadians and French beheaded democracy in Haiti, it is now clear that a final solution is in sight for the 200-year-old Haitian problem.

Almost exactly three years ago, on January 30, 2005, I wrote in this column in this paper about the world's commemoration of the liberation of the Auschwitz murder factory 60 years before.
'Elie Weisel, a survivor of the Nazi Holocaust against the Jews, said eloquently:

"In those times those who were in the death camps felt not only tortured and murdered by the enemy, but also tortured and murdered by what they considered to be the world's silence and indifference ."

' ". Those who committed the crimes were not vulgar, underworld thugs, but men with high positions in government, academia, industry and medicine." Weisel said.

I wrote then: 'The world is remembering Auschwitz and the Holocaust. It is not paying any notice to the 200-year Holocaust still under way in Haiti. There too, the people in hazard must feel tortured and murdered by the indifference of a world conned into believing that the high-minded leaders of the United States, France, Canada and Brazil have the interest of the Haitian people at heart when their agents torture, murder, maim and rape Haitians for no better reason than that they support their democratically elected and unconstitutionally removed President, Jean Bertrand Aristide.'
That was in 2005.

Since then the Haitians have continued to languish in suffering. They have had their leaders kidnapped, tortured and murdered, innocent women and children have been killed by the UN occupation forces working to eliminate the enemies of the Haitian ruling elite, the destruction of Haitian democratic organisation meant the death of thousands from hurricane, floods and other natural disasters, and they have waited for hours in the heat of the sun to cast their votes hoping that those votes would have meant a better life for them, or at least a chance for a better life.

That has not happened.

Haiti is still paying for the foreign aid gormandised by the Duvaliers and their allies and they still have no roads, no hospitals, and their medical school started by Aristide with the aid of the Cubans is now the site of the barracks of the occupying forces.

These Haitians are the people who helped the Americans win their independence, destroyed slavery and accelerated the abolition of the slave trade.

They are guilty on all counts and obviously deserve to be punished. They inhabit one of those places Mr Bush called 'the dark corners of the world'.

Three years ago, at the Holocaust commemoration, the US vice president Mr Cheney delivered himself of these words: ".these great evils of history were perpetuated not in some remote, uncivilised part of the world, but in the very heart of the civilised world. . Men without conscience are capable of any cruelty the human mind can imagine. Therefore we must teach every generation the values of tolerance and decency and moral courage. And in every generation, free nations must maintain the will, the foresight and the strength to fight tyranny and spread the freedom that leads to peace."

And so say all of us! And so say all of us!! And so say all
of us!!!

Meanwhile, the Haitians eat dirt.